Rin's Point of View
by Neori
Summary: Rin's grown up now, and over time she has developed fellings for her Lord Sesshomaru, what will happen when she finally tells him?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Beginning**

It was a peaceful night

Lord Sesshomaru had been gone for quite awhile now

But it didn't surprise me, he had been gone longer other times than this.

But this time was different, jaken wasn't going bizerk like usual

He was calm, ... he was sleeping! Very unusual I'd say.

The moon was out, and the temperature was bearable

"Sigh" if only he would tell us when he's going or where.

So, I took jakens point of view...and slept..and dreamed..

What an odd dream I had...

Sesshomaru had left me, alone, and I was lost in the forest, being chased by wolves

I woke up with a gasp...

I saw him leaning up against a tree, half asleep, alert but asleep..his eyes..they spread open slightly to see  
what was wrong..then he spoke "Rin, what is it..." it didn't really sound like a question more of  
a command, like tell me now or never..so I told him "Oh nothing Lord Sesshomaru, just a bad dream"..

I tried to convince him with a smile, he closed his eyes again...I tired to go back to sleep.

I woke up again once more, I heard the birds chirping, and jaken nagging on me for sleeping late,  
he told me to hurry up or I would be left behind, I tried my best to catch up to them.

I saw sesshomaru stare at me, I usually didn't care what jaken said...or even barely listen to what he says.

So why the sudden change in listening? ...I was hoping he wasn't thinking that...but I'm very sure he was..

But thankfully he didn't say anything, I was relieved.

I had no idea where we were going, I used to didn't care, but since all of the nights away from us...

I was just curious to where he was taking us, I tired to ask jaken, he just told me to be quiet..

As night fell, we made camp, and again he left us, this time I was more brave, I asked him...

Jaken gasped, as I said "Lord Sesshomaru, where are you going tonight?"

All he said to me was.."Not far, I'll be back soon.." And he left..

Making me wonder...even more..

I tired my best to fall sleep, but for some odd reason it was very hard to..

I guess my curiosity was getting the best of me..

I had to know where he was going...I couldn't take it anymore..I was so scared he wouldn't come back..

So I followed the footprints in the mud of the soft earth..

Well, I have known of him to lie, but this time he didn't he wasn't to far from camp, he was at the lake shore, looking into the lake...just sitting there...it looked as if he was thinking, very hard about something..

Oh no...I stepped on a twig..it broke..slight gasp

He saw me...oh no I have to hurry back...

"Oh, hello Lord Sesshomaru..."

"Rin, why have you been watching me?"

"I..." I couldn't possibly tell him I was scared of him leaving me..alone..

"I..I'm sorry, I have no explanation My Lord.." I bowed my head down..to the ground so he couldn't see my face

He looked at me then turned his head..and slowly walked away..

I followed..still with my head down...I felt so embarrassed.

I sensed he knew I was, I wish I could tell him how I feel..

As we reached camp I laid back down, tired again...and fell fast asleep.

The next morning I awoke to find jaken cooking some breakfast.

It was fish again, I had to admit I was getting a bit tired of fish, but I was no one to complain.

Jaken and I ate it quickly and then we left, I stared at the back of his head, wondering what he could possibly be thinking about..he turned and looked at me and I quickly looked away..

Lately I haven't made eye contact with him, and I'm worried he might think I have betrayed him or something like that.

I only wish I could tell him my true feelings, would he turn me away? laugh at me? no he couldn't possibly laugh at me  
I have never seen Lord Sesshomaru laugh, ever...would he...kill me..no..I suppose I should be respectful and keep those things to myself, other wise he might think of me to be...stupid, to love a demon.

"sigh " ///rin

"Quiet child!" jaken said loudly

"Jaken, over there.." sesshomaru pointed

"Yes, sire.." jaken too his staff and burned the area where the fungus was growing..

"Is it gone?"...sesshomaru asked

"Yes, m'lord" jaken bowed

"Lets continue.." he said walking on

"Yes, ...RIN HURRY UP" jaken shouted

"Yes, master jaken!" rin said sighing..

* * *

_-To be continued._


	2. Chapter 2

**Word of notice**: Rin is older in this story, about 16 and older in later chapters.

**Chapter 2**

**Herbs**

* * *

As we continued to walk through what seemed to be the over grown part of the forest,  
I noticed master jaken wasn't ranting about how dark and humid it was, it was like he was  
looking for something franticly, and as usual lord sesshomaru showed no signs of emotion,

he also didnt seem like he sensed any danger, so why  
was jaken so nervous? and, what were we doing here?

"Umm, Lord Sesshomaru?"/

"Yes, rin"/

"Why have we entered this passage way?" /

"How dare you girl! Questioning Lord Sesshomaru!"/

"Quiet jaken, we are looking for an herb, rin"/

"An herb?" /

"Yes, so it seems" /

"Oh, are you sick? M'lord?" /

"No, but jaken is..." /

He gave master jaken a terrible look...it made me kind of glad I wasn't him.

"I see My Lord..may I help you look for it?" /

"Well, you didn't think Lord Sesshomaru was going to look for it did you rin!? How selfish! of course your going to help, help me of course!!"

"I'm sorry" I bowed my head, wow I messed up big time, duh of course we wasn't going to look for them..  
Have I forgotten my place? This...this love this..feeling, it's getting in the way, I need to stop thinking about him  
all the time, but..I can't...I wasn't supposed to when I was little...I'm not supposed to now, right?  
He was my lord and master, and he was the only one, no one els...no...one...els.

"RIN!"

"Yes, master jaken?"

"Have you found it yet!!"

"Yes"

"Well, Bring it here!"

"Here you are master jaken"

"Foolish girl, don't you know if you waste anymore time I"LL DIE!?"

"Yes"

"Humph"

"Sorry master jaken"

"That's what I thought now, hurry up and go fetch some water"

"Yes master jaken"

I ran to the stream and brought back a bucket of water and handed it to master jaken, he took it in a heart beat  
and poured it into what looked like a mini bowling pot, it was over a fire he had just made, the other ingredients were disgusting, slugs other herbs that stunk like dead things, moss and other gross stuff that I don't even want to think about he brewed it into a tea...took out a little cup and dipped it into the concoction, and...drank it..for a few seconds it looked as if it took his breath but after a while he began to look pleasant, and calm.

"Well rin, it seems I have once again proved to be a genius at potion making"

"Yes master jaken"

"You don't believe me?"

"Of course master jaken"

He squinted his eyes at me, I tired to give him a convincing look and finally he let it me be

"Well, I'm saving this for later, just in case."

"Master jaken, where has Lord Sesshomaru gone?"

"Ah, he went off to somewhere he said he'd be back by nightfall, we will make camp here"

"Ahh, I see, would you like me to find more fire wood?"

"Yes, and hurry, NOW!"

"Hai"

-_To be continued_


	3. Chapter 3

**Too close**

I tried very hard to convince myself that he was just out, and he would be back soon,  
like always.

But this time it was very hard for me to forget that night I saw him.

He was thinking, so hard about something, what could it have been? I wondered, while picking up twigs  
for master jakens fire.

Why is he gone so much now?

He knows I'm growing older, like all human girls do, but that couldn't change his way of thinking about me,  
could it?

I haven't been a bother, have I?  
I've never asked for anything, and I've never complained, well mostly never.

Maybe he doesn't like the way I smell, I am a human, maybe since I've gotten older I'm repulsive towards him.

What ever the cause, I must stay on my toes, and follow jakens orders, I suppose I need to respect him again.  
Oh though, jaken might think I'm just buttering him up for something, he always does..

And that thought, these feelings, they need to be put to rest, I love Lord Sesshomaru like a master, not anything els.  
That's how its supposed to be,...right?

Why do I keep questioning myself, of course its right.  
I chuckled to myself, as I walked back to camp, with an arm full of twigs and lumber I could carry.

"Aww yes, that will do nicely, set it down there rin" as jaken said as he laid back and rested his head on a rock

"Yes master jaken" I said sighing

"That will be all rin, you can go off and play, wait, aren't you getting a bit old to play?" he questioned her

"No, I don't think so master jaken"

"How old are you again rin?" he asked curiously

"I have forgotten Master jaken"

"Forgotten!?, well I suppose we need to ask Lord Sesshomaru when he gets back don't you think?"

"I don't see why, it doesn't matter does it?"

"Don't question me child"

"I thought you said I wasn't a child"

"I didn't! I said you were merely, ahhhh stop that!"

"Sorry master jaken, please forgive me" I said as I bowed my head

"Fine, go off and leave me be, we will talk about this when lord sesshomaru gets back"

"Yes, master jaken" I said leaving him at the camp

I almost got angry, what's the matter with me? But why the sudden interest in my age?  
So what if I'm getting older, he's practically ancient! Ah, I shouldn't have thought that, that was  
rude of me, lord sesshomaru, I wonder how old you are, hmm, I wish you would come back  
early, wait what am I thinking!? sigh

as I walked deeper into the forest, I noticed a clearing, as I walked closer to it, I saw him  
lord sesshomaru, lying down in the middle of a patch of green, green grass, it looked so soft  
he looked peaceful, the most peaceful I had ever seen him, and again I stepped on a twig, he arose quickly  
he glared in my direction, I bowed

"Sorry lord sesshomaru, I was only wandering around" I kept my head down to he couldn't see my embarrassment

"Rin, come here"  
My head looked up quickly, could he have just told me to join him?  
I walked over slowly, unsure what his idea was for me to join him

"Sit" he asked, he actually asked me

"Yes m'lord" I sat down very slowly, still very unsure

"How long?"

"How long what Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Don't act coy Rin"  
I paused for a moment, did he know I was watching him? he must have smelt me

"Only for a few minutes Lord Sesshomaru"

"Thank you for being honest, Rin"  
a slight gasp escaped me, I was shocked, he thanked me

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

"Yes, Rin?"

'Why,...why have you left me so many times?" I gasped, I forgot to say "us" oh no

"You?, I wasn't leaving you rin, I had to go, and I always come back, don't I?"

'Yes, but I was...we were scared you wouldn't come back."

"We?"

"Me and jaken"

"Ahh, of course, jaken was scared I would leave him.." he said sarcasticly

"I mean, Lord Sesshomaru!?" I said in a loud tone

it shocked him, but only for a second "Yes, rin?"

"I lied"

"Hmmm?" he cocked his head to the side, only for a second..

I breathed deep, should I tell him? No I can't he will hate me, minutes passed then it

blurted out

"I lied, about the dream, and why I was watching you.." I said in shame

I lied again to him, I hope he didn't sense it..

"I thought as much, you've been to anxious lately..its beginning to annoy me" he said

"I'm sorry Lord Sesshomaru" I bowed my head as low as it would go

"So, why were you watching me again?"

"I...I...I was scared, you'd leave me, and never come back, I was scared you'd begun to hate me,  
or I repulsed you.." I said in such a sad tone

"Rin" he questioned

"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru?"

"How long have you felt this way?"

"For a few years...I guess.." I said as I lowered my head

"Yes, your...sixteen now?"

"I suppose, I have forgotten my lord"

"Yes, sixteen, I remember.."

"Oh, are you mad at me Lord Sesshomaru?"

"No, I'm..flattered, I suppose"

"So, does this mean, I can still stay with you?

"Havent you always? Such a foolish question"

"I was just wondering my lord"

"You seem to be doing that alot lately"

"Sorry Lord Sesshomaru" I bowed my head

As I looked up he was already heading back to camp I hurried quickly to catch up, following behind him

I still hadn't told him I loved him,  
I still lied to him, but in some way I think he knew, that I lied, he just didn't know about what.

Thank goodness, maybe tomorrow will be much better than today was.

* * *

_-To be continued_


	4. Chapter 4

**Rin's Thoughts**

Disclaimer: I own nothing of inuyasha or it's characters.

Sorry its been so long since an update, I've been busy with life.

Also, sorry about this being so short, trying to get back in the swing of writing.

Forgive me. Enjoy, and please give reviews/criticism.

* * *

Oh how I wanted to be with Lord Sesshomaru, like in my dreams, the good ones I mean,  
where we're together, and happy.

But how can that be? He's a demon, and I'm a human. A weak, in the way human.

Its just so, impossible.

But since I think more about it, in which I've told myself not to, isn't Sesshomaru's bother, Inuyasha  
a half breed? And if he is, doesn't that mean Sesshomaru's father fell in love with a human?

Does that mean there's hope? For me?

I wish, I even hope so, deeply in my heart.

I suppose I cannot deny the feelings that I have towards Lord Sesshomaru, but if I tell him would he kill me?

Would he laugh in my face or banish me, forever? I suppose the only I can do, is keep these feelings to myself.

I've risked what we have once before, and I dont want to be alone, I don't want him to hate me.

I'll treasure, what we have now, even though its very little, I'll treasure it, as long as I possibly can.

But for how long? he ages so much slower than I do, I know he doesn't think I notice, but I do.

I'm sixteen now, at least thats how old he said I was.

I'm becoming a woman now, in a few more years I'll be eighteen, what will he do with me then?

Where will we go, what will we do?

* * *

_-To be continued_


	5. Chapter 5

**Rin's Confession**

It was night once again, and we had made camp in a small area in a quiet, thick forest.

It was more peaceful than the others we had visited, I often wondered where we were traveling to and why

But I dared not ask, I knew that my behavior was bothering Lord Sesshomaru, and master jaken, so I tried my best to keep to myself,

it was hard at first but it became easier, I found new ways to keep myself occupied while Lord Sesshomaru was away.

I still had the dreams, the bad ones never stopped. I had also found myself crying while I was helping master jaken gather herbs.

I knew why, but I couldn't tell anyone..

"Rin?"

I gasped, "Lord Sesshomaru ?" I sniffled and quickly wiped my eyes

"Are you injured?"

"No Lord Sesshomaru, I am not"

"Then why are you crying?"

I put on a fake smile, but I couldn't stand it any longer I sobbed, as hard as I ever had

"I'm so sorry Lord Sesshomaru, I'm so sorry"

"Goodness Child, whats the matter?"

"Jaken leave"

"Aye Lord Sesshomaru"

"Rin, tell me whats wrong"

A pause in my sobbing, everything was so quiet, peaceful, it blurted out

"I, I, I Love You" I whispered it out between my sobs, finally I had told him, and yet it felt so wrong

He said nothing, he walked away a short distance, his back to me

"Please, please Lord Sesshomaru forgive me" I helt my head in my hands, what had I done?

"Rin, I want you to live with Kaede"

"What?" No no, please don't leave me

"I want you to live a normal human life"

"No"

"Yes, you don't need to stay with me, theres no reason for it"

"but I love" I was cut off

"Your love is blind" he said in such a tone it sent shivers down my spine, my dream's had come true

he was going to leave me forever, he didn't love me, we wanted to get rid of me.

"No, I won't do it" my crying had not yet stopped

"Are you disobeying me?"

"Yes, yes I am!" I sobbed harder I knew what was going to happen my insolence would be the death of me

"Rin" and yet his voice was calm, no matter, more emotion fueled my words

"I want you to kill me right here!" I bowed my head ready for it

Everything went silent, not a calm silent a silent that you could not stand

He broke it

"Dont you see Rin? What living with me has done to you?"

"I don't care! I love you too much for you to just abandon me!" I shook my head back and forth

"Abandon?" his voice sounded surprised

"Yes, thats the reason isn't it? You don't love me back? You're tired of me?" I didnt dare look into his eyes my head was still bowed

"Rin" he placed his hand ontop of my head

I was still sobbing

"Stop, please"

I looked up shocked, he asked me to stop

"Lord Sesshomaru"

"I don't want to lose you, so I have to keep you safe, neh?" he looked deep into my eyes

"Aye, Lord Sesshomaru" my sobbing had come to a stop, though, I still had a tear streaked face

He wiped them away

"Only for a few years, then I'll come back, I promise" he cradled my head in his hands

"Really?"

"You dare doubt me?"

I bowed my head so low "Im so sorry Lord Sesshomaru"

"Rin, stop that"

I nodded, he nuzzled my shoulder "I promise"

"Hai"

_-To be continued_


	6. Chapter 6

**His Muse**

_Sorry if he seems OOC. u.u_

* * *

The nights have grown longer; I try not to think of it, but even though my strength is great,  
I cannot keep my mind from wondering.

I see her everyday, and she grows older.

I want her to be happy, and yet I do not see that smile that was upon her face when she was a mere child.

Why has she become so desolate? the consern for her I have, even surprises this Sesshomaru...  
As I leave from camp, I sense her becoming anxious as to when I will return, and her distress burdens me.

Why does she doubt me? all this time with me she has spent, and she doubts me, as if I would ever leave her.  
Had I not shown that I would protect her? _answer's himself: many times_

I have found her lack of confidence in me quite insulting.

Though I cannot comprehend the emotions I feel for her.

But why doubt? Why? that word, it stings, it keeps me guessing.  
I never have to guess while I'm in battle, [a small sigh escapes from him] never...  
But, this Sesshomaru had not become weak, not like that pathetic half breed. [his teeth clenched]  
I only kept the child around to...observe her. _little voice inside his head: you're lying to yourself_  
Though she is no longer a child, a young woman, capable of having children, and having a normal life..._without me._

I want her to be happy, like she was, when she was younger. I want...her to be...happy.

I felt a bit of relief when she spoke to me that night, saying "Oh nothing Lord Sesshomaru, just a bad dream"  
but I knew she was lying, and for once it actually surprised me. I had been used to Jaken lying to me, to weasel his way out of something, but for her for just the slightest moment it...shocked me.

I let it go, and went back to the spot where I could think the most.  
This decision was hard, but I let go of it quickly, for I knew what would be best for her...and...myself.

Even though I found it amusing of her following me, I knew I'd have to tell her the reasons why I'd been leaving camp.

I made a deal with kaede, I must have frightened the old woman, but did this Sesshomaru care? Humph  
She accepted the deal of course, she found it noble of me, but none the less I told her the date I'd bring Rin,  
and when I'd come back.

That old woman tried to put up a fight, but I explained _in which I wasn't at all inclined to_ that it would be Rin's choice, if she wanted to come with me or not.

When I saw her that day, sobbing, I felt as if it was me who made her cry, I quickly took care of the situation.

Though it was such a silly reason to cry I thought, over me...leaving her.

Once again it made me a bit bitter as to how she trusted me.

As always Jaken couldn't keep his mouth shut, I sent him away. This was our time to discuss, no interruptions.  
I had never been good at keeping a conversation going, not that I wanted to be, but I had told her all she needed to know.

Touching her wasn't quite the same as when I held her in my arms the first time, but that had been such a long time ago..  
It was awkward for me, but that feeling passed, I wanted to comfort her, to put the crying to a stop.

It took a toll on my ears, and heart...my heart.

She kept saying "sorry" it bothered me so, she wasn't sorry at all, though I knew she was apologizing.

_Note: Sorry as in degrading._

It kept reminding me of a person that had no backbone, they always were lowering their head in shame, and had no pride.

This wasn't her at all, and even though I appreciated her respect, her faith in me had grown thin, and so quickly too.

This test, this time that will past, will show me how much I mean to her, and her to me.

It'll all be up to her, her choice as to weather she wants a normal life, or a life...with me.

So the words kept repeating in my head, as Rin confessed her true feelings for me, I knew at that moment, it was time.

* * *

To Be Continued~


End file.
